Long time no blogging... I admit I really have had no
interest in writing on my blog for a while. So I thought it was about time I
sat my bum down and wrote a post.
If you follow me on instagram you'll probably be somewhat
aware of the fact as of recent months I have lost a substantial amount of
weight, in the past I have written posts about my weight journey and you can
read that HERE. My weight has forever been a huge issue for me, and the
labels 'fat' have been a badge I've carried along with it.
I noticed towards the end of last August my weight was
beginning to rapidly increase (again), I'd stopped listening to my hypnotherapy
regularly and I was generally in a pretty weird place in terms of my self
confidence being relatively newly single, and living 30 miles away from the
town I grew up in. With my 21st fast approaching I realised I could not let
myself get back to the 15st 4lb heffalump I had previously been. Before my
birthday I had lost a little weight but nothing substantial, and after the
celebrating was over I made a commitment to myself that I would lose the weight
and (hopefully) this time keep it off. A few stern words from my nurse also got
my bum kicked into gear.
I became really strict with my hypnotherapy, and also began
doing the 5:2 diet alongside it. As for 5:2 I won't go into the ins and outs of
it in this post. However I would definitely recommend it to anybody who is
quite a fussy or picky eater as it doesn't make you eat certain food groups you
normally wouldn't nor restrict you from having a treat now and then.
So here I am 31lbs lighter. I started out at 14st 11lbs, and
now I'm 12st 8lbs, with around another stone or so to lose before I reach the
target that myself and the nurse discussed would be a much healthier weight for
me. Although I'm ecstatic with my weight loss, I have noticed one thing, much
to my surprise that I have not grown more confident in my body however much
more self conscious. A lot of it stems from my general all round anxiety but
also that I have absolutely not the foggiest what suits my new body shape.
Every day I find myself staring into the abyss of my wardrobe and thinking
'What the fuck am I going to wear', not being aided by the fact that I have one
pair of jeans that fit me and at the moment I've been living in jeans and long
sleeve tops because they're the only things I don't feel like Shamu in. I
realise this is very much mind over matter and some people will read this
thinking #firstworldproblems, but I wondered if anybody else had experienced
the same type of thing. I realise my body is not the 15 stone blob it used to
be, but it is very difficult to begin to love yourself and let anybody else
love your body when you've struggled to even look in the mirror at it for the
past few years. Anyway enough of the rambles.
Hopefully it won't be so long until my next post! But until
then thanks for reading!
Hannah -ox
