My 20th Birthday...

Tomorrow (6th October) is my birthday, and I will turn 20.

It's quite scary the thought that I've experienced 20 years of life, every year around my birthday I reminisce, it's easy to let life pass you by day by day, you sometimes miss the most important things, and unfortunately focus on the really terrible things.

This was my birthday last year, quite a weird one really as it was the first time I hadn't woken up at home on my birthday, I did the night shift at work the day before, and it never really felt like it was my birthday. This was a great surprise coming home to a newly decorated room, and cake and champagne.

The past year for me has been a tough one if I'm honest, unfortunately we've had to struggle through some really difficult times, not just me but my family too. It makes me feel ashamed sometimes how much I used to dislike having any sort of time with my family (particularly through my teens), where now I feel like it's time I really cherish, blood is always always thicker than water. Obviously part of this is due to maturing as a person, but I think a lot of it is due to the work that I do, I see people spend some of what should be the happiest days of their lives on their own, without their family without their friends. It really is heartbreaking. I always get told that I'm stone faced, and very controlling of my emotions, but I think if I wasn't like this working in care would tear me up inside, you see people at their very best but also their very worst it's extremely bitter sweet at times. 

This is me and my Pa and our lovely dog Bess who is now in doggy heaven most likely swimming or eating poop.

This year hasn't been all doom and gloom, it has also brought me lots of happiness, I have a job I love, a nice car, and a lovely home. Most importantly this year brought me someone special, who made me realise that I'm worth more than I think, not to let my past demons control me -they no longer matter, and to just be happy even when I feel like the world is against me and that I just want to cry, it isn't and I'm just being a little drama queen.

Most importantly, I'm so thankful, I'm thankful to my family and friends, but most importantly to my Mum, Dad, Sue, and Karl. They are my rocks, and my constant support network. 

Birthday's are not about the candles on the cake, the presents you receive, or the food that you eat, they are the reminders of the real gifts God has given you in life, and you should be ever thankful.

Thanks for reading everyone! 

Hannah -ox